Thank you Nancy for speaking the truth. I have been complicit. Then came the day it was too much. Too many hurting people. Too many destroyed lives. Learning to listen to the still small voice of Holy Spirit in me and the search for the trusted person to speak the truth to because there aren’t many. Failed many times by those who should have wanted to hear the truth and who today remain complicit. There was pain involved, trust destroyed but today I am free and God remains faithful thru it all. 🩷🙏
Nancy, what a powerful piece. Thank you for having the courage so desperately needed in the church, our country, our world. I don't have enough words to express how deeply this has touched my soul.
This is a convicting and challenging read. We have experienced spiritual abuse in our setting and the denominational leadership say that they “can’t control the actions of churches” or take punitive action unless we file a formal complaint against the pastor…This would be against one of the most powerful people/churches in our network. ….everyone around me wants to move on, and I do too at this point, because we have lost so much already and have no energy left. Are we complicit when our strength fails us? When we know that most likely the system will keep supporting power and our energy and joy will just go into the wind?
I'm so sorry you have experienced this level of spiritual abuse and leadership looks the other way, denies your claim without you yelling. I don't think complicity comes from those abused. Trauma needs to be healed. It is the people who benefit by the proximity to power, who prop up the abusers, turn the other way. The networks and districts that say they have no power over a powerful man.
One of my professors in Military Science (actually a decorated combat veteran) told me once that when a person sees the true nature of power they tend to move towards it. I was too young to understand, but looking back on a full life, I see that he was right. Even among the Witches, there is grasping for petty authority. But it takes a system to institutionalize the accumulation of the petty into the monstrous. There is complicity in seeing the system for what it is and saying nothing. Complicity is a choice. Are you a Christian? I am not, but Jesus explicitly teaches that passive participation, silence in the face of injustice, and association with wrongdoing make us complicit. The true Christian, the true Human Being, does not stay silent.
Wolf, thank you for such a powerful comment. Your professor knew a lot, and it does seem to take time (life experience) to understand words like he shared. Your line--"But it takes a system to institutionalize the accumulation of the petty into the monstrous." That is powerful and full of truth. Systems that look the other way allow monsters. Yes, I am a Christian. I will always follow Christ (and go to church) even if the church is broken in so many ways and the flaws are evident to all. You know Jesus' teaching and you are right with what he says. Speaking up is costly but so if truly following Jesus. Thanks for participating in the conversation here.
As a pastor of many years, in the US & overseas, I think you have a pretty jaded view of “the Church.” I realize there are horrendous abuses & looking the other way by people who ought to know better & intervene. I’ll give you that. I’ve dealt with some of that in my pastoral experience (confronting the sin, the wrongs, etc.), but there are thousands of pastors, churches & believers who are not “looking the other way” & complicit in sinful behaviors & attitudes.
My caution is this—it’s not wise to paint with such a broad brush from one’s own experience. There are still plenty of solid, healthy churches.
I encourage you to seek out a healthy community of believers. It may not be a “happening” church, but there are plenty of faithful pastors & relatively healthy churches.
One more thought on the issue of complicity… being the one who confronts abuse, sin, intolerance, & so on is often not received & the consequences are often severe. I’ve experienced this, as have many others. “Whistleblowers” & those who speak the truth are often condemned & castigated. That intimidates those who want to speak up, when they see they have little power or they will be crushed for doing so.
Have I suffered these consequences? Yes. Although it hasn’t deterred me from doing so, it’s cost me in many ways.
What you or others see as complicity, may not be quite as it seems.
Thank you for your comment. I am in a healthy church. My husband and I pastor a healthy church. We also pastored and lived overseas--similar life experiences as you! I'm not jaded. This is honesty that many refuse to see. And that is part of why I write. We cannot tame what we do not name. I'm sorry you have received pushback from whistleblowing, and my point really isn't the whistleblowing. It is the people who stand around these men, propping them up.
I getcha & agree with that. My pushback is probably more out of seeing people make a “ministry” out of calling out abuse, sin, etc. , which I don’t sense you’re doing. You’re right about the powerbrokers & gatekeepers that look the other way. That is definitely complicity!
Glad you’re still serving! Where were you serving overseas? We were in the Philippines although I traveled to other countries.
Hard to read, and hard to write, I'm sure, but thank you.
Thank you, Kathy. Yes, it was hard to write. Thanks for naming that.
Painfully insightful.
I’ll take that as a compliment.
Thank you Nancy for speaking the truth. I have been complicit. Then came the day it was too much. Too many hurting people. Too many destroyed lives. Learning to listen to the still small voice of Holy Spirit in me and the search for the trusted person to speak the truth to because there aren’t many. Failed many times by those who should have wanted to hear the truth and who today remain complicit. There was pain involved, trust destroyed but today I am free and God remains faithful thru it all. 🩷🙏
“You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” I thought that while reading your comment. Truth brings freedom.
Nancy, what a powerful piece. Thank you for having the courage so desperately needed in the church, our country, our world. I don't have enough words to express how deeply this has touched my soul.
Teresa Kuhl
Thank you, Teresa. What a very meaningful comment. Thanks for letting me know how much it touched your soul.
This is a convicting and challenging read. We have experienced spiritual abuse in our setting and the denominational leadership say that they “can’t control the actions of churches” or take punitive action unless we file a formal complaint against the pastor…This would be against one of the most powerful people/churches in our network. ….everyone around me wants to move on, and I do too at this point, because we have lost so much already and have no energy left. Are we complicit when our strength fails us? When we know that most likely the system will keep supporting power and our energy and joy will just go into the wind?
I'm so sorry you have experienced this level of spiritual abuse and leadership looks the other way, denies your claim without you yelling. I don't think complicity comes from those abused. Trauma needs to be healed. It is the people who benefit by the proximity to power, who prop up the abusers, turn the other way. The networks and districts that say they have no power over a powerful man.
One of my professors in Military Science (actually a decorated combat veteran) told me once that when a person sees the true nature of power they tend to move towards it. I was too young to understand, but looking back on a full life, I see that he was right. Even among the Witches, there is grasping for petty authority. But it takes a system to institutionalize the accumulation of the petty into the monstrous. There is complicity in seeing the system for what it is and saying nothing. Complicity is a choice. Are you a Christian? I am not, but Jesus explicitly teaches that passive participation, silence in the face of injustice, and association with wrongdoing make us complicit. The true Christian, the true Human Being, does not stay silent.
Wolf, thank you for such a powerful comment. Your professor knew a lot, and it does seem to take time (life experience) to understand words like he shared. Your line--"But it takes a system to institutionalize the accumulation of the petty into the monstrous." That is powerful and full of truth. Systems that look the other way allow monsters. Yes, I am a Christian. I will always follow Christ (and go to church) even if the church is broken in so many ways and the flaws are evident to all. You know Jesus' teaching and you are right with what he says. Speaking up is costly but so if truly following Jesus. Thanks for participating in the conversation here.
As a pastor of many years, in the US & overseas, I think you have a pretty jaded view of “the Church.” I realize there are horrendous abuses & looking the other way by people who ought to know better & intervene. I’ll give you that. I’ve dealt with some of that in my pastoral experience (confronting the sin, the wrongs, etc.), but there are thousands of pastors, churches & believers who are not “looking the other way” & complicit in sinful behaviors & attitudes.
My caution is this—it’s not wise to paint with such a broad brush from one’s own experience. There are still plenty of solid, healthy churches.
I encourage you to seek out a healthy community of believers. It may not be a “happening” church, but there are plenty of faithful pastors & relatively healthy churches.
One more thought on the issue of complicity… being the one who confronts abuse, sin, intolerance, & so on is often not received & the consequences are often severe. I’ve experienced this, as have many others. “Whistleblowers” & those who speak the truth are often condemned & castigated. That intimidates those who want to speak up, when they see they have little power or they will be crushed for doing so.
Have I suffered these consequences? Yes. Although it hasn’t deterred me from doing so, it’s cost me in many ways.
What you or others see as complicity, may not be quite as it seems.
Thank you for your comment. I am in a healthy church. My husband and I pastor a healthy church. We also pastored and lived overseas--similar life experiences as you! I'm not jaded. This is honesty that many refuse to see. And that is part of why I write. We cannot tame what we do not name. I'm sorry you have received pushback from whistleblowing, and my point really isn't the whistleblowing. It is the people who stand around these men, propping them up.
I getcha & agree with that. My pushback is probably more out of seeing people make a “ministry” out of calling out abuse, sin, etc. , which I don’t sense you’re doing. You’re right about the powerbrokers & gatekeepers that look the other way. That is definitely complicity!
Glad you’re still serving! Where were you serving overseas? We were in the Philippines although I traveled to other countries.
We served in Eastern Europe. My heart is to see people heard and find healing from Jesus in their wounding